With only one version of the word you to choose from in their own language, English speakers can often feel at a loss as to how to use the German formal and informal pronouns du and Sie. How does one determine if any given situation calls for formal or informal address? What kind of people should receive a formal you versus an informal you? I’m going to make your life easier today, with three simple criteria for choosing between the German formal Sie and the German informal du. They are listed in order of importance with the least important first.

Person's Status

Start by assessing the person you are addressing. The use of du or Sie depends in part on the other person’s status in comparison to you. This criterion is becoming less relevant in modern society, where egalitarianism is increasingly popular and the weight carried by status is decreasing. In some cases, however, it can still be considered bad manners to address someone of higher status incorrectly. Be aware that even if a person is of lower status, you may want to say Sie to them just to show respect.

Answer These to Determine Status

Is the person older than me? (Sie)

Is the person younger than me? (du)

Is this a person my age who I want to be friendly with? (du)

Is this person in a position of authority? Like a boss, teacher, president, etc. (Sie)

Examples

A teacher at school = Sie

The president of Germany = Sie

A child = du

Coworker my age and same pay grade = du

Relationship

Du and Sie are used to acknowledge the kind of relationship you have with the other person. People you want to keep more distant receive Sie, while people you are close with receive du. This category trumps status, so you might use du with someone you are close with even if they have a higher status. Strangers often receive Sie, because you don’t know them and presumably want to be distant, formal, and polite.

As a relationship changes over time, you may transition from saying Sie to saying du. Usually this happens when one person asks the other if they would like to start using du. Before offering du to anyone yourself, take a moment to consider their status. Only the person with the higher status should offer to start using du. If both people are of the same status, either one can offer to start using du when they feel it is appropriate.

Answer These to Determine Closeness

Is this a family member? (du)

Is this a complete stranger? (Sie)

Is it someone at school or work who I don't know very well? (Sie)

Is it someone at school or work who I am friends with? (du)

Examples

My parents = du

My friends = du

A person who stops me on the street to ask for directions = Sie

My coworker who is a friend = du

Older coworker who I don't know very well = Sie

Prospect at a dating event = du

Context

In combination with status and relationship, the context is also important to consider. In fact, context trumps status and relationship in many cases. At a networking event, for example, you may want to say Sie to everyone just to sound professional and polite. The gym, on the other hand, is such an informal environment that you might say du to everyone – even older people and strangers.

Answer These to Identify Formal vs. Informal Contexts

Is this a social event involving a shared hobby? (du)

Is this a business meeting of some sort? (Sie)

Is this a place where I might wear blue jeans or sweats? (du)

Is this a place where I need to look more put together? (Sie)

Is this a gathering where we all have something in common? (du)

Is this a gathering where we have nothing in common, but we must achieve something together? (Sie)

Examples

Random older guy at the gym = du

Lady at the pool = du

Woman at a networking event = Sie

Man at a business meeting = Sie

Woman at a meeting of Future Farmers = du